I’m currently sat at the dining table in front of my laptop, anxious and unemployed, experiencing crippling worry about how I’m going to achieve the life I’ve dreamed of for years as time is ticking away, I’m no closer to my goal, and I feel I’m really letting myself down.
I feel so lost, like I’m just existing.
But why?
My life seems to go in the same cycle;
- Get a job
- Work hard and enjoy it at the start
- Later feel overwhelmed, burned out and anxious
- Quit the job
- Beat myself up
- Want to earn money self employed
- Have an idea – work on it with enthusiasm
- Freeze due to procrastination
- Beat myself up
- Look for work
I see success stories of others (often who are younger than me) who are earning so much money with their own businesses, I wonder why I’m so incapable of creating something that makes me just enough money to get by, let alone be able to pack up and move abroad to Gran Canaria for the rest of my days.
I used to believe it was selfish voicing out what I want in life, but these days I’m learning it really isn’t.
You see, this is your life we’re talking about.
No one else’s.
No one will come and save you when you’re on your last penny in your bank account.
No one will show you the way because, especially if they’re successful themselves, they’ll want to keep the real secret as to how they made so much money because they’ll be scared of you taking your (deserved) fair share of it too (however they’ll probably sell you a course or eBook on how they made their money, only to leave important details out of it anyway).
Am I cynical?
Probably – but I’m also a realist.
It’s difficult to live in a world that’s apparently full of opportunities when you have anxiety, because anxiety stops you from taking a leap of faith into the unknown.
Before you know it, you freeze, unsure of which way to turn, and stay stuck in your miserable life situation.
What if you took a chance on yourself?
What if you took action even though you feel this intense anxiety?
What’s the worst that could happen?
There are many factors that play a role in this;
- The fear of the unknown and staying ‘comfortable’ (even though that means staying stuck)
- The fear of judgement from others
- The fear of not knowing exactly HOW to start something of your own and making mistakes
- The fear of failure
The common theme here is fear.
Fear is a horrible little troll that infests our daily lives, sometimes without us realising.
If, like me, your childhood was full of fear from one of your primary caregivers, this is probably the main reason it’s so deeply ingrained in you today.
I’m not a therapist and advise you to seek the help of a professional in order for you to face those childhood fears, but I do understand and empathise with how it makes you feel as an adult;
- Inadequate
- Lost
- Fearful
If left unchecked, fear festers and grows bigger until you’re left sat there, paralysed, wondering why you even exist.
It triggers the fight, flight, freeze or fawn response within our bodies – something which saved a lot of our ancestors when faced with crossing paths with a lion.
Fear feels like giving an evil troll a piggy back; we carry it around with us until it becomes too heavy, that’s when we give up and our bodies tell us we need rest – this can show up as intense anxiety, burn out, chronic overwhelm , depression, or even physical symptoms.
It’s the voice in our head that worries about being judged by others, making mistakes, telling us we’re not ‘good enough’, making us believe we should just give up before we even start.
What if we turned our backs on fear?
Sounds simple, right?
Well, it isn’t to be honest, however there is a way I can share with you on how to begin this process.
When going through therapy I was totally overwhelmed, burned out and I didn’t have any hope for anything good happening.
I was completely lost.
It wasn’t until my therapist asked me what ‘principles’ I want to live my life by.
What on earth are principles?
When discussing further, principles are the foundations (kind of like ‘rules’ I suppose) on how you want to live your life.
Over the weeks I researched ‘life principles’ and pondered for many hours over how I want to live my life.
I discovered that living a life of peace was of vital importance to me, so peace became one of my principles.
I researched into it, wrote about how I perceive it to feel, read blog posts on it, even delved a little into Buddhist teachings; I learned to become curious.
I then set reminders on my phone for daily exercises that could help me cultivate this peaceful feeling, such as sitting outside with a coffee, breathing deeply, intensely looking at what was around me (the colours of the trees, watching a pigeon mooching across the grass), listening to the noises around, and really smelling and tasting my coffee.
I did this for about 5-10 minutes every day, and y’know what? I began to feel calmer.
Feeling anxious can take over your life, but it doesn’t have to.
When you have time, think about what principles you’d like to live your life by; really imagine the person you want to be – do you want to feel calmer? Happier? More relaxed?
The principles I’m pursuing in my life are these;
- Peace
- Calm
- Gratitude
- Health
- Fitness
- Patience
- Hope
Now, that’s a long list – too much to get your head around straight away.
I invite you to create your own list of principles, or use mine, pick one, and take your time to research into it.
Gratitude is the principle I started off with, and it was tough at the beginning.
I’d talk with my therapist and explain I felt I had nothing to be grateful for; not because I’m selfish, but because my brain was that overwhelmed and full of negative noise, I couldn’t see any light.
I made a commitment to myself that every night before going to sleep I would say out loud one thing I’m grateful for, even if I don’t feel grateful yet.
The idea is to start training your brain towards positivity, and saying positive statements out loud over time will help to introduce positivity into your life.
After a couple of weeks of doing this every night, I began to experience phantom gratefulness in the smallest of things.
One morning I was walking my dog, it was a warm sunny day, I walked around the corner of the street and a beautiful gentle breeze caressed my face; I smiled and quietly felt grateful for that small moment.
I shocked myself.
After months of feeling depressed, I experienced hope.
And without hope, we have nothing.
Weeks went by and I was sat in the garden with my coffee again one morning to then notice my mind telling me I’m “lazy” and that I “should be doing something productive instead”, my reaction was to laugh (it came out of nowhere) and I told that negative voice I didn’t need to listen to it as I’m having my me-time as I sit and enjoy my coffee.
Tears filled my eyes – this was the first time I’d challenged this negative voice, I felt so proud.
That voice soon disappeared and I felt lighter, calmer, and full of hope for a positive future.
You will either listen to fear and allow it to grab hold of you, or you will pursue hope, humility and gratitude.
As soon as you give any kind of fear attention, that’s it, it becomes imbedded in you.
As soon as you make a conscious decision to throw that troll off your back and tell it you’re not interested in anything it has to say, you’re back in control.
This is a lifelong commitment to yourself and your mental health, because as soon as you feel better (and you will) you’ll ease your foot off the gas in regards to self development – this is when fear tries to creep back into your life.
Daily journaling can help with this – as soon as I’ve written my feelings down, uncensored, I feel lighter.
You can write it on a bit of paper, you can save it in your OneDrive; the idea is it’s personal to you, so do with it as you please.
Writing down your worries can help you process them and then let go of them; instead of everything whirling around your head, spill it all on a bit of paper, then allow your mind to rest.
Being brutally honest, I had lifted my foot off the gas after finishing therapy because I felt more positive, calmer, motivated to work towards my dreams.
However, before setting up this blog and trying to encourage those who I believe it may benefit to read it, I’d lost connection with myself again and began to feel more anxious and down – blogging is my next step towards healing, alongside journaling, and it has reminded me it’s a lifelong commitment to look after your mental wellbeing.
This is our sign to take small steps towards improving our mindset, and continue to do so for the rest of our lives.
No one else can do this for you; even in therapy the premise is to eventually learn how to therapize yourself.
The mixture of “anxious and unemployed” can be difficult due to the financial pressures that inevitably add to your anxiety.
Firstly, be gentle with yourself, have some self-compassion.
No job title determines your worth; and if it does to others around you, you’re surrounding yourself with the wrong people.
(Who cares what others think anyway, right? We’re embarking on a new path of not caring what others’ think about us, and so what if they don’t agree to you and your life – that’s a them problem.
If you’d like a job, take that leap of searching for a job you think you may enjoy and apply to one today – this might seem scary, but we’re learning to turn our backs on the fear that’s stopping us from growing.
If you’re like me and want to start something of your own, then why not?
(Plus, nothing’s stopping you from getting a “side-job” to generate income towards funding your dream – I’ve learned many entrepreneurs do this; they take on a simple job that doesn’t drain their mental energy – like cleaning, re-stocking shelves, warehouse duties – so there’s no financial worry, which enables freedom to strategize towards the dream.
Is there something you’ve always dreamed of doing?
I invite you to brainstorm ideas today, let your imagination run wild, and believe you can make it happen; because you can.
My philosophy in life is this;
If you can imagine it, then you can do it.
Yes, okay, it’s easier said than done (especially when anxiety pops up and makes us freeze in our tracks)
but just know it can be done.
I’ve always dreamed of having a successful blog; yes that means I want to monetise it, yes that means I want to create and sell eBooks in the future, however the most important thing is to create genuinely helpful posts and practices in order to prove to you that you’re not alone in how you feel and you CAN change it.
No matter how much anxiety is currently ruining your life by stopping you from taking opportunities, that will all change in time if you make a commitment to yourself to work on pushing fear away from you – not inviting it into your life by listening to it’s negativity.
Please feel free to click on the TikTok icon at the bottom of the page if this resonated with you – drop me a DM – I read them all.
My mission is to help as many people as I possibly can to take action towards living a happier, healthier, more peaceful life.
Always, ALWAYS returning to this present moment right here, right now is the only way we can begin to shift our mindset and take action towards living a more positive life.
Regretting the past keeps us stuck.
Fantasising and procrastinating about the future drives us insane.
Still feeling anxious?
That’s okay.
Don’t try to get rid of it, as it the feeling will only intensify.
Sit with it.
Tell yourself you’re safe right now.
And try this 2 minute presence practice to really anchor yourself in the here and now.
After that? Journal, research the principles you’d like to live your life by, take a mindful walk or simply rest.
Any of those is okay.
Quieten the negative voices, bat fear away, and listen to the quieter voice within, that’s your true self trying to break free – give it the chance to speak.
And remember, you are loved.
