I thought that becoming more aware of my thoughts, understanding they’re not me, and teaching myself to return to the present moment would help me feel more happiness and joy.
Instead, there are times when I feel I should be happy, but I still feel like something is missing, or there’s an undertone of sadness.
Times I should be totally happy are when I’m spending time with loved ones, pursuing the things I enjoy (such as exercise and writing), or simply just allowing time for rest.
Yet, I notice this minute undertone of sadness – Why? Where does it come from?
It could simply be hormones, or it could be the fact I’m quietly judging my life as I’m allowing my thoughts to rule my mind in the background once again.
“You’re not where you should be”
“You’re not pushing yourself enough”
“Why aren’t you taking steps towards achieving your dreams”
“You’re so lazy”
Guilt then decides to chip in;
“You should be grateful for what you already have”
“Imagine how (insert loved one’s name here) feels – they’re spending time with you and you’re giving off such low vibes today”
Sound familiar?
This is a sign of two things;
1. We have limiting self beliefs alongside judgements we have against ourselves
2. We’re not focusing on the moment that is the most important of all – the now – so fear decides to rear it’s ugly head and creep back into our lives.
Since childhood, I bet you can list every knock back & failure to date; this will result in you being hesitant to take action towards anything you dream of doing because our brains have told us,
“I failed back then, it’ll just happen again”
We then spiral down a hole of regretting moments in our past (instead of viewing them as valuable lessons) and fantasising about a future we’re too scared to work towards through fear of yet another failure (instead of seeing it from the angle that you’re older, wiser (hopefully), and believe in yourself to keep pursuing the things you love, because you deserve to).
You know our problem, don’t you?
In those moments we should be happy – we’re forgetting to just be in the moment.
Accepting our life situation for what it is right now will relieve a lot of pressure – even if we don’t particularly like our life situation, the starting point is surrendering to it and accepting it for what it is.
Next, gently remind ourselves of everything we are currently grateful for; our loved ones, a roof over our head, a warm place to sleep at night, the ability to see, smell and hear; this should put things into perspective.
Everyone has dreams, few decide to take a leap of faith to pursue them.
However, if, by some chance, we actually believed in ourselves a bit more; we anchored ourselves in this present moment, feeling our inner energy – our life force, and began to take steps towards changing our life situation (whilst accepting the life situation we already have), this is where hope is born; and hope is a powerful thing.
When I say take action or steps towards something, it doesn’t mean those actions or steps have to be big;
It could be to begin trying out a recipe if you’d like to become a chef, it could be signing up for a gym membership if you’re looking to get fitter, it could even be to stop, rest, and allow your brain some space to just be if your goal is to create a healthier mindset.
Doing nothing is still something
I learned that the hard way when I rushed into a job as soon as I worked hard to qualify as a personal trainer – I felt pressure to have a fully-fledged, successful PT business from day 1 (oh how I used to put tonnes of pressure on myself to succeed).
I suffered burn out and my mood was so low, I had no other choice but to seek professional help from a therapist.
I’d had therapy years before, and wasn’t holding out much hope, however this time, things were different.
When I was told by a therapist I was allowed to rest and recover, and that was doing something positive – my mind was blown.
“How can I achieve anything if I sit and rest?”
Weeks went by, and I began to see a shift in my mindset; it’s like my brain let out a big sigh of relief, and I stopped waking up every morning in a cold sweat, anxiously shaking.
My nervous system was beginning to regulate itself.
We talked about the ego and how it’s running my life without me even realising (plus it was always talking down to me, harshly judging my every move). I was highly agitated with everyone and everything, and I took offence over the smallest of things.
It wasn’t until I realised, I needed to disidentify from my ego in order to stop offending myself; then, others’ comments, judgements and remarks couldn’t offend me any more – this blew my mind (again).
I’ve experienced that if we don’t consciously keep an eye on our thoughts and instead allow them to run riot in our minds (thanks to our ego), we will always experience that undertone of sadness, even when, on paper, life looks okay.
We’ve been conditioned as a society to always want more – and we want it now.
This only adds to our suffering.
The constant bombardment of adverts from companies telling us the next thing we must have in our lives.
The endless videos being watched on social media of other people living lavish lifestyles.
Your mate John has just bought a brand new car, then you turn to look at your 2010 Ford Mondeo and sigh.
If we learned to be more grateful of what we already have,
If we learned to accept our life situation just as it is,
If we learn to consciously ground ourselves more in the present moment and really connect with those around us,
life would start to become beautiful. (Trust me, it does).
From there, we can take positive action towards something we desire to do,
instead of acting on something out of want or greed or FOMO.
(I’ve tried the latter and guess what? It leads to yet more failures).
Being creative from a positive, calmer mindset produces more fulfilling results.
If, in the meantime, you need rest, then when fear and judgement decide to crop up, gently tell them to fuck off as you have no time for that in your life any more, then focus on spending time with your loved ones (and that includes yourself too – deeply loving ourselves is important).
Moments of joy and happiness are just that, moments.
Feeling at peace with yourself and your life situation by accepting yourself and the situation is the undertone we’re going for – not sadness for a life situation we haven’t got, yet.
End the suffering right now and allow yourself to just be.
